By Tamarra Aristilde-Calixte, LCMHC, LMFT, NCC

My name is Tamarra Aristilde-Calixte, and I am a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a National Certified Clinical Mental Health Counselor. I’m also a writer, a behavioral health educator, and a lifelong learner. Each role reflects my commitment to healing, growth, and understanding.

Behind these titles is a woman who once struggled to understand the weight of trauma, especially her own. Becoming trauma-informed has been a layered and deeply personal journey. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been profoundly liberating.

I want to share what guided me to this approach not only as a therapist, but as a survivor. I know how it feels to be disconnected, even from yourself. And I’ve seen how a shift in perspective can open the door to true recovery.

Growing Up With Silent Wounds

I was born and raised in Haiti, a nation marked by both resilience and struggle. While much is said about poverty, what is often overlooked is the silent trauma it creates. In our culture, we are raised to stay quiet, to obey, and to never question the authority of adults. But in that silence, so many unspoken wounds remain.

I know this intimately. My father passed away when I was eight years old, but even before his death, we never lived together or shared a meaningful bond. Due to the strained relationship between my parents, he remained distant and uninvolved his absence was felt long before it became permanent. That early experience left a lasting imprint.

I spent much of my childhood longing for connection, for the feeling of being seen and accepted. That longing followed me into adulthood, and even into my work as a therapist. It took years to fully understand that what I had experienced was, in fact, trauma.

My Early Understanding of Trauma

Before I ever heard the term trauma-informed care, I believed trauma had to be something catastrophic or widely visible. I didn’t realize that I, too, was carrying trauma because the pain I lived with felt like a normal part of life. In the world I grew up in, such experiences were common, expected, and rarely named for what they truly were.

Like many, I learned to survive by minimizing pain and pushing through it. I became skilled at carrying on. When I began my work as a young therapist, I was eager to fix problems, to bring solutions. But what I hadn’t yet learned was how to truly slow down to be fully present with another person’s story, without rushing to repair what hadn’t even been fully acknowledged.

Over time, I’ve come to understand that trauma isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it shows up in silence, in numbness, in disconnection (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration [SAMHSA], 2021; Courtois & Ford, 2018), or in the quiet ways people stop feeling safe in their own lives. What I know now is that before healing can begin, we must first create space to listen deeply, to honor what is difficult, and to sit with it gently, without trying to rush it away.

A Shift in 2023

In 2023, I attended a conference where I heard Resmaa Menakem speak. His words shifted something in me. He spoke about trauma not just as something in the mind, but as something that lives in the body and that truth resonated deeply (Porges, 2022).

In that moment, I realized that while I was serving others, I wasn’t tending to the parts of me that still needed care. I began exploring Internal Family Systems (IFS), a model that helped me reconnect with aspects of myself I had long ignored (Anderson et al., 2021).

It was the first time I stopped merely surviving and truly began healing. I no longer believed the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Some experiences don’t make us stronger, they hurt. And healing means having the courage to tend to that pain with honesty and compassion.

Learning to See Through a Different Lens

For me, becoming trauma-informed changed the way I approached my clients. I became more curious, more compassionate, asking not, “What’s wrong with you?” but instead, “What happened to you?”  (Fallot & Harris, 2019).

That simple shift created space for people to feel seen and safe. I noticed how much more individuals opened up when they felt understood. When trust is built on compassion rather than control, healing becomes possible often in quiet, powerful ways.

Today, trauma is so common, especially in marginalized communities, that it is frequently unrecognized or misunderstood. It takes time to help people recognize what they’ve been through and believe that healing is possible. But once someone begins to see themselves differently, real change begins.

Facing the Hard Truths

One of the most challenging parts of this work is witnessing how trauma often shows up quietly in people’s lives. It can be seen in broken relationships, lingering shame, and the constant pressure that slowly wears people down.

In my own life, the deepest wounds didn’t come from what happened to me but from what I didn’t receive: protection, love, and safety. The absence of those things shaped how I viewed the world and how I related to it.

Even now, old emotions still resurface. But I’ve learned not to push them away. Instead, I try to meet them with sensitivity. A big part of my healing has been learning to give myself the compassion I never received as a child (Neff, 2020).

I’m also working to break the cycle with my children, and with the young women around me. I want them to grow up knowing they matter and that their pain deserves to be seen, not buried.

Why This Approach Matters Now More Than Ever

Trauma-informed care is not a trend, it has always been necessary. Yet only now are we beginning to talk about it in ways that reach more people, especially those in underserved and overlooked communities (Evans et al., 2020; Brave Heart & DeBruyn, 2020).

The systems that surround us were not designed to serve everyone equally. Many were built to benefit some while leaving others behind, especially BIPOC populations. This is why generational trauma is so common and so deeply rooted.

Trauma invites us to shift away from blame. It helps us understand that the way people cope is often shaped by pain they didn’t choose. It challenges us to build systems that are grounded in dignity, safety, and healing. With this awareness, we can begin to stop the cycle of harm.

For me, trauma-informed care means truth, connection, and change. It means being willing to ask the hard questions and responding to them with empathy and care.

Letting Go of Misconceptions

There are many misconceptions about trauma-informed care. One of the biggest is the belief that all problems stem from trauma and that simply isn’t true. But trauma does shape how people relate to their lives. When we ignore it, we risk missing a vital part of the story.

Another myth is that resilience means someone is doing fine. The truth is, people can appear strong while carrying deep pain. Resilience isn’t something to celebrate when it comes at the cost of self-abandonment, silence, or exhaustion (Ungar, 2021).

I’ve also learned the importance of speaking up in the face of injustice. If we don’t name harm when we see it, we can’t stop it from happening again. This is why it matters to make space for real emotions: grief, anger, sadness. These aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signs of being fully human.

My Journey of Discovery

I’ve come a long way but I’m still learning. Self-acceptance doesn’t happen overnight. There are still days when I struggle to let go of perfection and simply allow myself to be content. But I now understand that every part of me, even the ones I once tried to hide, deserves a place at the table.

The most powerful tool in my healing has been the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. It helped me realize that I’m not broken. The parts of me I once judged are actually trying to protect me in their own, sometimes distorted, way. Now, I’m learning to lead those parts with compassion and care.

If you are starting your own trauma-informed journey whether personally or professionally I encourage you to seek support. Find a trusted therapist or someone who understands this work deeply. Because healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Real transformation begins in connection.

Starting Your Own Trauma-Informed Journey

Whether you're beginning your trauma-informed journey as an individual or as a professional, know this: healing is possible but it doesn’t happen alone. It requires intention, reflection, and the right support systems.

Here are a few of the first steps that helped me and they may help you too:

• Find a qualified expert who truly understands trauma not just its symptoms, but its impact on the whole person.
• Explore models like Internal Family Systems (IFS), which help you reconnect with all parts of yourself.
• Practice self-compassion, especially on the heavy days.
• Be curious, not critical, about your reactions and behaviors.
• Accept that healing is a journey not a destination. Growth unfolds in layers over time.

You can start anywhere but the important thing is that you start. Every step you take toward your own healing creates space for others to begin theirs, too.

Looking Ahead

My life continues to unfold, one step at a time. I’m learning how to create space for others and for myself. And through it all, I remain committed to sharing what I’ve come to know deep within: healing is possible. It may not be a straight path. It may not always be neat or predictable. But it is always, always worth it.

I care about this work because I’ve lived it. I know what it’s like to carry the weight of trauma in silence and I’ve also experienced the freedom that comes from releasing it in safe, supportive spaces. This is what I hope to offer through TAC Healing Rise. It’s what grounds me, and it’s what keeps me going.

Reference List

1. Anderson, L., Smith, J., & Brown, T. (2021). Internal Family Systems therapy: A systematic    review. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 22(4), 395–415. https://doi.org/10.1080/15299732.2021.1873157
2. Brave Heart, M. Y. H., & DeBruyn, L. M. (2020). The historical trauma response among Indigenous populations: A systematic review. Journal of Indigenous Social Development, 9(1), Article 3.
3. Courtois, C. A., & Ford, J. D. (2018). Treating complex traumatic stress disorders in adults: Scientific foundations and therapeutic models (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
4. Evans, C. B. R., et al. (2020). Systemic racism and trauma: Intersecting consequences for mental health. American Journal of Public Health, 110(11), 1620–1626. https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2020.305842
5. Fallot, R., & Harris, M. (2019). Trauma-informed care: Moving from rhetoric to reality. Journal of Community Psychology, 47(3), 616–629. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcop.22149
6. Neff, K. D. (2020). Self-compassion: Theory, research, and practice. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-self-compassion/202001/self-compassion-theory-research-and-practice
7. Porges, S. W. (2022). The polyvagal perspective in trauma-informed therapy. Trauma & Mental Health Journal, 5(1), 12–29.
8. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2021). Trauma and violence: Understanding trauma-informed approaches. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.samhsa.gov/trauma-violence
9. Ungar, M. (2021). Resilience and the complexity of human responses to adversity. Child Abuse & Neglect, 116, 104758. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2021.104758